Oh my God, they killed James Patterson!
by TheDuchessOfCraze
Summary: Callie, an obsessed Maximum Ride fan, accidently kills James Patterson. Her, and her best friend Jen, secretly take over Maximum Ride, and turn it into the worst fanfiction fluff possible.


"Groundhog, this is blue bird. I repeat, this is blue bird. I'm in the rat hole. I repeat, I'm in the rat hole. We're all clear."

"Good work blue bird! Now, head to the rat nest. "

Oh man! I was shaking with fear. We were doing it, we were actually doing it.

Soon the mission would be complete...

And I, Callie King, would be the first to read Max: a Maximum Ride novel.

Oh God.

Wow...

Oh God, wow...

I'm Callie King, and I'm the world's biggest Maximum Ride fan...

Well, me and my best friend Jennifer Green.

Let me fill you in. Basically, me and Jen love Maximum Ride, and after re-reading the series 48 times, writing 100 fanfics, each updated 3 times a day, and being co-presidents of 34 maximum ride fan clubs, we decided we could wait no longer. We _had_ to read Max: a Maximum Ride novel.

It wasn't just a whim, or a want, or a desire, or even a dream. It was a _need_. Like, a total necessity, as in, we would self destruct if we didn't read it immediately. Well, we decided enough was enough, we _were _gonna read that book. BEFORE April.

So Jen, ever the brainiac, did some research: found his address, his bedtime, a room plan of his house, and best of all, where we would find a spare manuscript of the next Max Ride book. The one I would be stealing. The plan was, I break into the house, make my way to the study, get the manuscript, and get out, without JP noticing. Easy right? Well, I thought so...

"The rat is in the trap. I'm proceeding to the rat's nest. Over."

I walked down the hallway. God, this man was rich. Was that Picasso on the wall? Oh well, I didn't care about the décor. All I cared about was Maximum Ride, and Max, and Fang and Iggy. Ohhh espiecally Iggy. Mmmmm Iggy.

In my muse I didn't notice Jen was trying to talk to me.

"Blue bird! Come in! Are you there!? Blue bird?"

"It's alright J.... Groundhog. I'm fine. What's going on?"

"The Rat gets up in 5 minutes for his morning yoga session, you need to hurry!"

"It's 3:00am!"

"Yeah well... Look, just hurry!"

Alright, I had to do this. I walked through, into the study.

"Come in Groundhog. I'm in the Rat's nest." I whispered, my voice shaking with anticipation.

"Fantastic! Now hurry, get it! It's in the bottem left drawer of his desk. 2 minutes! Quick!"

Here goes, this is what I'd been training for, it was time.

My quivering hands fiddled with the handle, then I finally opened the drawer. And there, in all its glory, was the manuscript. That sweet, glorious, blessed, _beautiful _manuscript. I picked it up and all most fainted with joy. But I didn't. Instead I spoke to Jen.

"Groundhog," I said, my voice breaking into sobs of happiness, "I have it! I really have it!"

"Congratulations!" she said, "Get out of there though, quick."

"We've done it! We've finally done it!" I sobbed.

"I know," cried Jen, "God love it, I know!"

We both cried into our mics for a minute.

As I told you we _reeeeealy _love Maximum Ride.

I tiptoed out, trying to control my cries of joy, clutching the manuscript to my chest.

"I'm on my way out, groundhog."

"Fantastic! Hurry now, because.... What's that noise?"

"What noise?"

"I can hear something through my headphones. Like a humming noise."

I listened. I heard it too. Uh oh...

"Groundhog, we have a situation."

"Get out, blue bird, hurry!"

"But..."

Then I saw it. In the room opposite me, I saw James Patterson.

Humming...

His arms crossed...

His eyes closed...

And balancing on his head.

_Damn!_

Oh no, this must be his morning yoga session. But he hadn't noticed me yet, maybe I could just get out without him noticing.

Or not.

At the slight creak of a floorboard, JP's eyes shot open and stared at me.

"What are you doing in my house?"

Then his eyes travelled to the manuscript.

"Hey, what're you doing, you thief?"

I just stood there, motionless, paralysed, to terrified to speak.

He reached for his phone, and before I could think, I reached for a nearby golf club.

WHACK!

I stepped back, dropped the club, and stared at my hands.

Oh my God...

I'd killed James Patterson.


End file.
